| Insomnia |
[01 Dec 2005|04:43am] |
I spent the last couple hours lying in my bed hoping my winamp would kick in again since it apparently ran out of songs to play. I cant sleep, I cant clear my mind enough to think about a way to get me to sleep. See ! my minds a mess. Its been ages and it still fucks with me. Not during the day anymore, not in the mornings anymore and Im not even sad anymore ! but I just cant sleep, I sit and think and think about it. I wish I had stayed the boy that Inspired the butterflys. For the last couple months Ive been sleeping .... just at very odd times, cause it seems the only way I can sleep is by either A) drugging myself or B) just waiting and waiting until Im so tired I cant stay up anymore, which takes like 2 days .. >_< this is how ive been sleeping the last few months. Tonight I tried for the first time in ages to get a proper NIGHTS sleep but ALas, I just lay. The first time I saw you cry, and you felt you could confide your feelings in me, and we went for a walk and left everyone else at your house and you gave me the pretty green ring which now lies broken amongst everything else that doesnt matter anymore in a little pretty felt black bag. Why couldnt I stay Him ? I apologise.
Dear Journal, you are a fag and I hate you cause you turn me into a mopy whining piece of crap. Dear Blog, leave me alone. Dear you, Im sorry. Dear Nightime, I hate you. Dear Brain, please let me sleep and fill my head with pretty thoughts like you used to instead of doom and gloom. Dear God, if your there then come save me.
Recently Ive been doing fuck all but fill in Random forms and applications so someone will hire my worthless ass. Why is it so hard to find a fucking job. Everything was so perfect, I came out of school, was happy, went to Uni. How did I manage to throw all of that away ? I hatemyself for it and regret it more everyday. Now ive had a house Ive lost, countless jobs, numerous amounts of people, a college course. Yip-fucking-pee what next may I ask will I loose ? The beating in my shitty little heart I hope. Nahhh I dont hope that, Im not the type, I would certainly never ever like to die until im like ..... hmmmm .... 87. But Im getting so fucking sick of life right now its trivial and boring and crap and anything nice that comes into it just seems to go right out the otherside, due to my own fault or whatever I do not know and care but Im getting sick of it.
Wooo, new lost tomorrow. Yippee. I wonder what I have in store tomorrow. Sleep I bet at somepoint when Im too tired to be awake. Smoking drugs I bet wooooooooooooooo like that doesnt get fucking old. Perhaps ill talk someone into getting drunk with me and forget for a few hours. The job Center ! how could I forgot, the daily drudge down to find out theres no jobs for me and they still wont give me any money YAYYYYYYY for being poor and living in Kirkcaldy.
Gonna start applying to Colleges and stuff soon. Maybe try get back into my old course at Uni or do some sort of Random Art Course in Dundee and get away from Scumland ala Fife. Fife has nothing for me anymore except slowly becomming another fifer. I think until september Ill jump back into Fife college though come January. Courses open up then and it means I wont just be dossing about doing fuck all all of the time.
Ach well, I guess Ill find out what tomorrow has for me .... tomorrow.
<3 to people x
P.S. Its not sadness because I think we could ever have what we had. But you were and still are (inside my head) my best friend...ever. And I dont have that now, loosing that is the worst thing thats ever happened to me :(
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| Malcolm Middleton |
[24 Sep 2005|02:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 troubled |
] |
I'm too cold to be alone this winter
I'm too old to be alone
I just want to hold you this winter
I know you get so cold
I just want to call you this winter
Where are you tonight? Why aren't you here?
You should be looking after me this winter
I sure as hell can't
Behind everything I do stares the cold truth I don't have you
I still love you, I must be the world's biggest fool
Everyday I wish you weren't so braw cause I miss you
How am I supposed to unmake the world's biggest mistake
I don't want to be your open wound all winter
You don't need to see me cry
I think I need professional help to get better
This may take some time
My life is dead and I can't see a future
I never could and I still can't
Do you still think I'd make a terrible father?
I guess his blood still runs in me
Behind everything I do stares the cold truth I don't have you
I still love you, I must be the world's biggest fool
Everyday I wish you weren't so braw cause I miss you
How am I supposed to unmake the world's biggest mistake
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| Good dreams haunt me by daylight |
[13 Sep 2005|07:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
I dont dream much, and when I do its usually full scale full on crazy bad dream. Well the other night I had a good dream. A really good dream but maybe a little too good. When I awoke and realised the discrepancies between my dream world and my real world I felt an awful sadness. Is dreaming a curse of the human mind ? If I have more dreams like this then really Id rather not dream, or rather never wake up. Whichever suits you bog.
Life recently has been hard but Im coping. I have my friends around and Im back to college. When the Uni kicked me out I asked if I could change courses, but I didnt have the grades so they have asked me to go back to college for a year and then come back next semester. This seems a good plan to me. As much as Im perhaps not a strong believer in running away I feel getting away to dundee would do me some good so its what Im working towards now. Some guy who mistake me apparently for a "faggot" and a "poof" .... "fuck off you little faggot" decided the best plan last saturday was to hit me in the head 4 times with a beer bottle. I went to casualy with Tony, Scott and Tonys sister and we sat for the 5 hour wait. Bloody NHS. I still have the staples in and Im gonna look to getting them taken out sometime this week. Was ment to be on Friday past but I spent the last 4 days down in Manchester staying with my brother.
Manchester was good, Seeing my brother did me a lot of good. I drank a bottle of wine on the train down so I was quite drunk when I got there and then persisted to ramble at him for a few hours about general life and my so called "well being". I thought this would help and Ive been waiting for the chance to speak to my brother 3 months now but alas, no help, still feel the same.
But Im doing good, the mornings when you wake up and directly feel sad are now memories. It has stopped persisting so I guess thats the biggest sign that Im feeling better. I did a silly thing today though, being back on Live Journal I read some posts, some old, some new, by people I shouldnt be reading really. I dono, its shit and its stupid and it doesnt make sense and I should be allright but I guess thats life. How this makes me feel so bad I have no idea, many people struggle with so much harder everyday. I feel weak and silly. I feel lost and confused and I feel sad. Most days are ok and I find myself quite alot telling people how Im looking forward and moving on and all that and then some days ... some days are just blah. I think about things I shouldnt think about and I get sad from it. Hopefully this too will taper out.
Am I doomed to recall these events for the rest of my life ? Constantly compairing what I have to what I had ? I hope not. Perhaps another curse of the human brain.
Perhaps Ill write again soon and perhaps not. Well see how I feel. Writing helps though it really does. I often find myself on sleepless nights scrawlings thoughts and feelings into my Journal. Writing letters that wont get sent and proclamations that will stay dorment. What is the point in this ? I do not know but it makes me feel better.
I do plan to proclaim and send and make things better or perhaps make things worse who knows but it seems that by morning time I just feel stupid. I feel weak. Lost and confused. Does daytime give us sense ? does the night make us weak ? If this is the case then I long for the longest day of summer.
Winter worries me, it is approaching and I know that during the darker times I will feel weak more. Lost and confused. It seems the daytime and the summer and brightness makes things perhaps not so hard. But again, winter approaches.
Im done writing now and Im not really sure if I feel better. I think I maybe feel worse. I think its just live journal and the connotations I have with it. Like the connotations from everything else...salt, certain buses, certain songs and certain foods, certain faces I see in the street and certain places I travel through, I fear Ill never walk into that library again as long as I live just so I dont need to pass under that doorway.
All in all dont get me wrong Im much better, this isnt ment to be doom and gloom its ment to be reflection. For now goodbye and feel free to comment no matter who you are, even if it seems innapropriate. Ah well.
- Danny xxx
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| Cigarette-Smoking man Signing Off... |
[02 Jul 2005|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
As much as your all great, all you 0 readers, I only ever wrote this for one person, and I cant think writing again for a long time will help anything. So good bye x
"The first time I saw you...I didnt think you were special
But now Ive realised...your the one...I want to...grow old with."
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| Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man, Part 1 ... |
[30 Jun 2005|08:40pm] |
Everything in life is choices. You make choices at every stage of your life whether its a silly little choice like what to eat or the next step in your life. At the end of the day you must always be able to say "Am I happier after this choice ?" ... "yes" and if you can then you should be happy. However, sometimes the choices get made for you. Whether these choices being made for you are bad or good is not the question. You just have to try to be happy after them.
Me and Johno finally kind of half-moved into our new house. We dont have beds yet but were getting there. Got the PC's and that setup which is to be honest the most important thing sometimes :P Just been playing lan games and drinking really...aye thats about it.
Works going allright, doesnt seem to be too depressing still ! Its hard just now because of other stuff going on in my life. Its hard to sit around and all your doing is doodling or thinking away and you think about worries mostly, worries and recent events and just now that doesnt work out too well for me. Ive began talking more with friends from the past though, rebuilding bridges so to speak ? and thats cool I guess. Also should be having 3 major house warming partys soon so got something to look forward too. Trying to anyway.
Johno got his T ticket, hes well chuffed, I seem to be the only person no going now, which is a bit fucked up since outa my friends im the only one with a job O_O whatever. Probably couldnt get the time off anyway (aye totally).
Its not yet time to even consider discussing what im feeling simply because I dont yet know myself. Or atleast what I know isnt worth explaining.
G'night all x
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[18 Jun 2005|07:04am] |
present buba
love yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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| The diary of a contortionist... |
[17 Jun 2005|04:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
Well Ive almost finished my first week of work now, infact I need to leave to get up there in 20 minutes :o and Ive know even talked to you today yet :( anyway work is going swell. It seems like decent enough work and all the people are dead nice. Ok who the fuck am I kidding its horrible shit work but at the end of the day Ill have rent to pay so theres just no point in me complaining, quitting is actually not an option. So just now im chilling listening to some Simon and Garfunkle and getting ready to walk up to work .... sigh :(...WOOT! Chris just offered me a lift. Shit hotedness. To introduce Chris, when I first met him (at an anti-war rally) he was a straight edge non alcaholic swigging non weed smoking non fun having Vegan. Now hes just as bad as the rest of us, cant say I had too much of a part to play in this transformation but I certainly sparked it off. Sorry bout that dude. Sorry Mum and Dad. Sorry God. See if you can spot the refereance.Looks like im gonna have to go *psychically trys to get you to phone before I go* >_<..........>_<.......>_o......>_<......No luck :( I miss you pretty girl xxxxxxxxxxxx Im off, Goodbye everyone xxx
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| I am what I am... |
[13 Jun 2005|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
I am the broken banjo...
I am the tv without a picture and the stereo without sound...
I am the book without words and the painting without paint...
I am the camera without film...
I am the pen without ink...
I am the gun without ammo...
I am the bald mans comb and the hairy mans toupe...
I am the house without a door...
I am the boat without a sail and the car without wheels...
I am the piano without keys...
I am the toothbrush to the man with no teeth...
I am the answer machine to a mute...
Subtitiles to the blind...
Music to the deaf...
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| Oh my gosh .. ! |
[09 Jun 2005|10:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
] |
Oh my god, I just got offered a job, a real live job for Danny O_O what is the world coming too ......... so remember folks, the next time someone phones you and trys to bagger you into buying Life Insurance then be nice to them for it may be me (or even Joey from Leven) now I just gotta decide what days I wanna work, so ill wait till pretty girlie gets home from school and then phone back and accept it ^_^
Check me gooooooo !!!!!!!!!!
*dances*
\o>
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<o <o<>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Oh my god, I just got offered a job, a real live job for Danny O_O what is the world coming too ......... so remember folks, the next time someone phones you and trys to bagger you into buying Life Insurance then be nice to them for it may be me (or even Joey from Leven) now I just gotta decide what days I wanna work, so ill wait till pretty girlie gets home from school and then phone back and accept it ^_^
Check me gooooooo !!!!!!!!!!
*dances*
\o>
<o/
<o<
>o>
\o/
( O_o) - Excuse me madame, I think you should buy life insurance, you know ... just incase you DIE! |
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| To remember, revise and divulge ... |
[09 Jun 2005|08:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
Sometimes when things are going so good for a while, you get comfortable and you drop your defenses, and then suddenly something goes bad, even slightly bad and it ends your world. Now Im not sure if I believe the bad event is completely heightened because you havent felt bad for a long time, or if maybe a bad event just brings you back to reality and you notice everything else thats bad. Whichever way it works, things are certainly worse...if everythings going great. This generally sums up how Im feeling whilst writing this post. All in all Im happy, Im just in a very thinky sort of mood, best time for writing on Live Journal Id think. *grrr* stop putting me off with your nakedness, damn you ! */grrr* I havent written anything in here for a very long time which means people, I have many an event to write you about this fine morning.
Right now things are good, its a fresh new day and I feel almost Joyous. Woot. The first real event I want to revert to would be when Daniel took a trip to skye ^_^...
Got up on the wednesday morning and headed through to glenrothes to meet you. The morning went well and things got off to a great start. What I did not know at this point is that I left my mobile phone on that bus I got to glenrothes which caused me much stress later when I realised. The trip to sky basically involved a whole host of mountains, trees, bushes, bodys of water and a deer. You see, driving through northern scotland doesnt really include anything but these objects. Ofcourse for me though I had damn fine company and to be perfectly honest ... fell asleep for a good chunk of the trip >_< sorry babe. On reaching skye we drove around for a while and found somewhere to spend the upcoming evening. it was a nice wee bed and breakfast with a cool seeming landlordy person. We went out and ate for dinner and then onto a couple of pubs for a drink here and there. The nicest part I think was walking around in the rain a little jolly with you hand in hand ^_^ damn your cute in that water proof *bites lip* Slept quite easy at night as I hadnt slept in soooooooo long and had a few beers in my belly. Was hard to leave you that night but I slept a happy camper. The next day we drove around and went to a few castles, which was very very cool. The corridor part was fun, like being in a cartoon where everyones running in and out of different exits hehe. I still claim my castle was the coolest but that goes without saying ! We ate in the Aryss center which is some sort of wild life reserve for birds of prey. Didnt see any actual birds but I did manage to see some tasty pizza and chips mmmm mmmm. The drive home was really good but everyone was starving and theres literally no fish and chip shops anywhere too North. We finally found some sort of food place and got chips and a burger to share. The rest of the journey went swimmingly and it was a very good night all round. Another night well slept happily. Skye was good, I thought it was a nice way to spoend a couple days together and I dont think it coulda gone much better :) hopefully something well do again in the not too distant future.
Went to the path tavern on saturday there to see a gig that a couple friends played in. Gig went well and i thought all the bands played really decent. A few technical problems coming from the first band but they rawked ^_^ made me dance and not be able to stop moving so thats gotta be a good thing huh. Some drunken crazyness but nothing too major that didnt soon heal. I did get punched though !!! but managed to calm down the drunken lout before it was too late for me :P Spent sunday with the one person in the world Id want to spend my sunday with ^_^ got cut a bit short though which sucked but a really brilliant day.
On Tuesday night me and my lady went down to the beach at ravenscraig and walked around, it was an amazing night ^_^ and we had a walk around the castle and stuff too. I got a little crabbit at one point when maddy had to go home sooner than I thought but trust me, if you knew her like I would you wouldnt want her to be leaving early either.
Anyway, thats the main events up until now. Sitting watching the simpsons, having a cup of tea and a smoke and then heading back to my bed for a couple of hours since ma maddy is away to school. Hmmm, hope ill see ya today, anyway, over and out. Hoipe it wasnt tooooooo boaring.
Ok I proof read and I feel this post was more event after event and not very much thinking so ill try and give you a little insight now. Things for the future are generally looking good, I had an interview on Tuesaday afternoon at MGT (the call center place) yes indeed ... I decided to sell out my socialist Ideals for the purpose of paying rent. Hopefully Ill get the job and then I wont have to go on the doll or anything. The reason for the sudden need for money is that Im moving out soon YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and into my own house with my two close friends Johno and Tina. Cant wait to have my own place where I can chill out and relax with you.
Im not sure whats happened with uni but im generally not feeling upto up for going back in september and rather I think I might stay out in the real world and work for a bit and then maybe go to college do some highers which will lead to a diffeent University course that I will enjoy. Im not too sure what this might be but hopefully ill find out sometime soon eh.
Well I think that should be suffice. bed time. Night night everyone xxx
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| First big weekend of the summer ... |
[09 May 2005|09:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gleefull !!! |
] |
I awoke on Friday around 8 o'clock and hurredly went home from Tina's where I had been the night before have a good ol Schmeck and a bit of Moloko and that. Today I was to meet my brother in Edinburgh and then head off down to galashields where he stays with his girlfriend. When we met it was nice, me and my bro are close so if hes away for a while seeing him the once of it feels a bit like I aint seen him for longer if you get me...anyway, we went for coffee and then had a few smokes in princess street gardens, as you do, and then headed to get the bus. The bus sucked, 1 and a half hours travelling on a normal crappy looking little fife style bus, they even had the old tickets with the pointed end and the opposite. When we got there everyone fucked off to go to a kilt shop or something so I went a wandering in Galashields on my own, this was when I thought of you mostly. You see my brother invited me and Miss Madelaine but she couldnt come for obvious reasons, school and work etc. So I was all on my ownesome. I found a neat forest walk and so fourth climbed up the half built staircase which was apparently "closed for maintenance". I sat up on that hill for a while thinking of things, all to do with you ofcourse, I missed your smile mostly. That night me and my brother watched films and played games and generally had a good chilled night like we hadnt done for a long time. it was most excellent, thankyou for inviting me Em and Jod.
Got home on Saturday and went and met you from your place of Labour. Saw you for a good while so I wasnt too saddened by the knowledge I had to face that I would not see you this Saturday like usual but rather you would be attending a party that I couldnt come to because of obvious silly things like public transport. It seems you had a goo time though and Im glad for that ^_^ I hope you had a good time too Jodi if you read this !!!
Anyway Sunday was Best ! Sunday me and you, sorry, you and I went to Edinburgh and when there not really managing to come up with a good plan of action decided just to wander around (best idea ever). We wandered a long time and eat crappy potatoe in some cafe or whatever although you fair enjoyed that Panini (ace). The main place we visited I guess would be the grayfriars Abbey (I think its called that) anyway its the home of the Covenanters Prison. The covananters I dont know much about but I do know that in the prison around 25 covananters were held by catholics and starved to death. The catholics didnt take to kindly to the covananters you see, and what a great way to do gods good work and spread the word of jesus, by fucking starving people to death. Anyway this place for Ghosty people isnt a good place its said to hold some really horrible spirits especially horrible to kids. Which scared us enough so we were offsky :P We got Coffee and Cookies at the Train station and Jamp on the train. The train ride was a bit funny cause I was being a twat but it was all good in the end and we sat at mines and watched the new film the eh ... hitch hikers guide to the galaxy. it was kinda crappy but a great Day + Weekend. Its great when your with someone for a whole day and all you do is chat and talk and not anything special and then you realise at the end of the day and it makes you feel good. Good and glad and lucky and happy to have someone you can talk so freely too. That is what we all seek if you ask me. Well, except me, no seeking to be done ^_^ love ya x
Today I got up around 7 and spoke to ya on MSN for ages and it was amazing cause like I said before it just made the time flie in and we just chatted and it was ace ^_^ I spent the day at home for the first time in weeks and did some work here and there, mostly dotted about txting you. Exam stress caught on at night and I felt really helpless I couldnt help at all :( I suck at this apparently. anyway the night seems to be going allright so far so Ill end here.
Great weekend, good kick off for the summer, this summer will be ace :)
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| The moon and the sun must be irregularly close ... |
[31 Mar 2005|10:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
Ahhh, I feel ill...too much abuse on my stomach...too much fags...coffee...lack of food...University is in my head, university isnt looking to bright just now but I dont mind too much, ill do what I can and if it isnt enough then it isnt. I sit in my PC chair for a good 12 hours atleast...its been a while since ive done this sort of session but I was up from hmmm 2am till like now trying to get rid of those sneaky worms...damn them. What does today have in store, ill get to see you and i cant wait. Hmmm ill try to summarise my week so far.
*** THIS BIT IS JUST SUMMARISING EVENTS MIGHT ASWELL SKIP IT ***
Monday
Monday was great, I awoke in the most amazing place ive ever awoken perhaps for amazing reasons. We took a lovely long walk back to comfort and lazed around for a while till I head back on the bus and your off to your ... thing. A good start to the day, week, the bus ride home is boring and my spirits drop, but I guess bus rides can do that to you. I doss around and pass the time and then we talk on the phone and plans have changed your not coming over. Slightly confused but mostly just sad we cant see each other. Spend the rest of the night on the phone and then on the net.
Tuesday
Tuesday you come over and we watch a movie and have a good night in. A lovely night, I feel close to you and I still have the peace of mind Ive been enjoying for quite some time now. Too long ago to remember how I feel so Ill move on again. How crap am I being.
Wednesday
Wednesday was my worrying day. The first in a long long long time. I worryed all morning about uni and it seemed that everyone thinks the same as me. Ive been an ass, ive fucked it up, it was obvious from the begginning, I think if you dont even have faith in yourself you cant expect much from others. So I phone around and I sit around and finally I head through to dundee. We meet on the changeover in glenrothes and the bus ride through is ace ... poor babe, forgot your NME on the bus *hug* ... I head into uni and you go off to shop ... whilst in uni I get some time to think, the drone of the machines is back and for some reason Im getting used to that being my thinking music. I think Ive fucked up and I think ive let people down, I know in my own head its not a big deal and tbh I dont really care but other people seem to care and ach well I guess thats fair enough. I feel though as if I made the decisions that suited me over the year...Idont regret them, they were stupid, anyone can see that but I had a lot of fun this year and went through a lot, Ive decided im not enjoying this course anymore and ive been mulling over in my head what to do...I guess everyones right and I need to start working, ill give it a go and see what happens, probably dont have the chance until september now though. Anyway I leave that place and head to meet ya at the fountain as planned...I think to myself where would I go if I were you and I decide ottakers...guess where you were ... then we choose the same sweety...everything seems so amazing and the day has been ace...you buy me dinner at the hut cause your lovely and its great. I cant believe you have to be waited in Pizza hut, it seems like they made up a random job for someone to do for the sake of looking like a classy resturaunt...what the fuck do they think they are like ? its fucking pizzas, ice cream and at the most classy level perhaps some garlic bread, whats going on...takes about half an hour till the pizza comes but its nice cause we sit and chat...the bus ride back is quieter than going through but its nice...a farmhouse mmm...nice dreams...anyway we part at the station and you head off home...I get on the bus back to kirkcaldy and spend my time in a car driving round librarys looking for the poem that kills with Helen, Oyster and Mona...many laughs are had...a lot of the time im somewhere between contiousness and un, but without noticing...suddenly realising im in kirkcaldy I get off to brave the long walk home. The nights rather normal...we chat online for ages, chat to my friend Jen from long ago and we catch up which is nice, you go to bed too early ya bum and I have to face the night myself. Spend hours fixing my computer which leads me till now.
*** REALLY REALLY BORING STUFF DONE ***
So here I am...cup of coffee in one hand and fag in the other...I feel good just now, Ive had no worries and it seems like its gonna be a good day...been thinking alot about my friends lately and how wierd a concept it is...I think its just one of those trippy thoughts like the words you say so much they become meaningless...its hard for me to write just now without it being pointless shit as Im so tired. Someone once said ... "If you bear a false face to yourself and a different face to others, it is only a matter of time before you have trouble differentiating which is reality and which is not" this makes me think about someone I know..makes me wonder about friendship and if some people have such blatant disregard for it then it is obviously flawed. I try to think what a friend is and how someone becomes a friend but its hard, I really understand it less the more I think about it. Someone you meet and then get to know more than all of the other human beings so they sort of become a part of you and you have to make sure there oki and vice versa. Thinking about stuff like this makes me feel detached from Humanity.
Anyway, Ive been listening to the songs you sent me all day and there ace, they managed to keep me going through the night :) Not sure what Im doing tomorrow but I know we have a band practise on saturday :/ eugh, to face someone you cannot face. It seems like such a different thing from what we planned. We were all close and friendly like any band should be and now it seems more like one for one and erm ... thats it. Not from everyone but its pretrty depressing. Dono how long well last.
Anyway, what a massive lot of rubbish, I cant believe Im actually saving this, might aswell.
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| Vincent, his name is for posterity... |
[17 Mar 2005|02:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
To stare blankly and unwillingly, looking lost and incomplete is to have you and yet long for you.
Today was one of those incomplete days. Wake up around 7...throw clothes on...take a train ride with Rubashov...the lab is cold, the constant drone of the fans from the rows and rows of identical workstations imitate and mock my train of thought...after 2 hours of pretending to be productive but rather trolling, chatting and looking at the shots from last friday its time to leave...train ride part 2 sees me through till 3 and the day begins.
Talk to you on the phone for a while at home but im not seeing you today so plan to go meet johny patt and stu. Get there and stare some...have a smoke and the mood is good. Everyones cheery and we talk about friday night for a while, play fifa most of the rest of the night until I head back along to grab some stuff and give you a phone. Things on the phone are wierd but they get resolved later in a pay phone. Im in a good mood and happy, things are going well just now and the future seems promising. Studies maybe not but the important things are at a good standard...I think about how the slightest bad things make so much impact when youve been happy for a good while, and how when things are bad for a long time then you perhaps dont feel as bad as the previously stated. It seems illogical but makes sense to me. Anyway I drop the negativity from my mind and head back on to johny patt, stu, fifa, smoke and Aphex Twin...3:26am on the clock and surprisingly im awake and chirpy, our three has been reduced to Johny patt and I and for the sake of being less anti social I part with my musings...thinking of you...ill sleep well tonight...
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moxturkin's journal